My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
the raccoons are back...
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