Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize