the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
