Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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