My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
