I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
