sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
