I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
