One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
