After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
