I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
