dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
