Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
