She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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