does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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