I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
