Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
