I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you never un-have a 4some
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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