My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize