Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
