What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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