I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
