is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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