do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
