I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
