He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize