Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
