i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
