she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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