I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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