Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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