Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
