ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
