My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
