I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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