I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
