Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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