the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
