I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
