Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
