trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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