I just made out with a guy for $7.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
