Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I believe in your delicious
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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