my mouth tastes like poor choices
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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