you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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