Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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