What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wish you could order shots online.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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