PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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