So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
