I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
