so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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