I looked at my own cervix.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
