put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize