Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
