I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
