I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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