he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
