I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
