I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize