i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
