I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
