Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
