do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
