I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
