Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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