Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
