Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
