i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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