You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
